Salman Rashid

Travel writer, Fellow of Royal Geographical Society

Calling British Bureaucrats

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The Brits have to be the stupidest, most idiotic, brain dead morons in the whole wide world. The paper today tells me that they are instituting a new clause for visa seekers: a security bond for £ 3000 for anyone to get a visa. I understand that this money is refundable after the traveller returns home. At today’s exchange rate this amounts to Rs 450,000.

Well, that makes things very easy for those economic refugees, poor unskilled, uneducated men who end up getting a visa and getting lost in Britain to become scullery boys and dough ball makers at cheap pizza joints. In their lingo which is still in use, not returning home is ‘slip hona’. It makes easy for these poor chaps because the going rate of buying a visa from a corrupt visa officer at the exalted High Commission in Islamabad today is upward of Rs 1.2 million. So, a prospective ‘slipper’ will spend one-third the sum on the bond, thumb his nose at the system and get to Britain nice and dry while the morons of the British bureaucracy preen themselves for their success.

In 2004, I knew three brothers, all of them semi-educated and unskilled, who spent Rs 400,000 each for a visa. The money was paid to High Commission officials through agents. Of these three, one was arrested last year (2012) for working illegally and after a couple of months in a detention centre was shunted back to Pakistan. Another, having declared that he has repudiated his religion (which is as blatant a lie as ever) and claiming to be under threat even from his own brothers, has got the British passport recently. Talk about the gullibility of an entire bureaucratic machinery!

He will now soon be coming home to show off this precious document to all of us less fortunate buggers. The third, who was until recently living with big brother, the very one who is supposed to be in grave danger of being killed by religiously bigoted brothers, is now working in a pizza joint not very far from London. And if the idiots at the entry ports do not know it, let me tell them that this traffic continues unabated.

So, to the idiots of the British bureaucracy, ‘You effing morons, this stupid new rule is only going to make things difficult for me. I who have been there several times and returned with plenty of days to spare on my visa, not having £ 3000 will not be able to go back to the Royal Geographical Society. But those who have to slip, will slip. And you can stuff your £ 3000 up your backsides!’


posted by Salman Rashid @ 00:00,


At 28 June 2013 at 12:33, Blogger Ashfaq Khan said...

nice comments

At 28 June 2013 at 14:03, Anonymous Salman Rashid said...

What else, Ashfaque? British stupidity, ignorance and naivete knows no bounds.

At 9 July 2013 at 11:20, Blogger Haroon said...

Babeyo ghussa ker gaye jey !! Let us make a royal society of our own in the subcontinent.

At 14 July 2013 at 06:12, Anonymous Salman Rashid said...

Hey, Babeyo is what my friend Pervez Akhter calls me! But what if they don't give me a visa because I don't have Rs 450,000 to spare? Meaning I am banished for life from the Royal Geographical Society. There cannot, simply cannot, be another RGS. Even the US could not copy this great institution.


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My Books

Deosai: Land of the Gaint - New

The Apricot Road to Yarkand

Jhelum: City of the Vitasta

Sea Monsters and the Sun God: Travels in Pakistan

Salt Range and Potohar Plateau

Prisoner on a Bus: Travel Through Pakistan

Between Two Burrs on the Map: Travels in Northern Pakistan

Gujranwala: The Glory That Was

Riders on the Wind

Books at Sang-e-Meel

Books of Days