Salman Rashid

Travel writer, Fellow of Royal Geographical Society

Jewish-Indian Lobby
10 February 2015

This piece appears in the February 2015 issue of Herald

Our prescient religious leaders have long been on about the Jewish-Indian Lobby that has been working overtime since the middle of August 1947 to undo us, the envy not only of the world of Islam (remember we have Islamic nukes), but of the entire Universe. In mullah parlance, this most pernicious of outfits bent upon undoing our Citadel of Islam is called Yuhood o Hunood ki Laabi.

Though this nexus was formed on the day we achieved independence, it came out into the open in 1956 when the Indian film industry released a flick with the telling title of Yahudi ki Beti – The Jew’s Daughter. I ask you! Yahudi ki Beti. Now, if there wasn’t a nexus between the two malicious countries of Israel and India, why was the film titled the way it was? Why couldn’t it be Eesai ki Beti or Hindu ki Beti? It goes without saying that it would never have been called Musalman ki Beti because of the intense malevolence the Yuhood o Hunood ki Laabi reserves for us Muslims, the one and only chosen people of God.

Something very nefarious was happening right under our unsuspecting noses even as far back as 1956 – just nine years after we had come into being. It is altogether another thing that we are led to believe that Pakistan was work-in-progress with the foundation of Moen jo Daro eight thousand years ago and completed by Mohammed bin Qasim. Our government intellectuals have not yet learned that Mehrgarh near Sibi was thriving even earlier thereby pushing back the establishment of Pakistan to some ten thousand years ago.

If we are to trust our political mullahs and some non-mullah politicians, this Yuhood o Hunood ki Laabi is responsible for everything going wrong in Pakistan. From supplying of dead donkey meat to our fleshpots, attacks on polio vaccinators to the almost daily dose of suicide bombings, the Jews and the Hindus are behind everything. We have to thank our stars that Israel is a long way away with brotherly Muslim countries between them and us that prevent their death-dealing agents from infiltrating our sacred land more frequently or they would undone our poor country years ago.

Every time a suicide bombing takes place in Pakistan some politician or the other, mullah, non-mullah and sometimes even military politician, tells us that the crime was committed by ‘enemies of Pakistan’. By golly, we would never have guessed! But those hiding out in the western hills of Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa who unfailingly phone up media offices after each bloody episode to gloat over the success of their murderous exploits are only our ‘upset brothers’. They are not our enemies; the enemy only being the invidious Yuhood o Hunood ki Laabi.

We have to thank fortune for making the Indians just like us. (Errr, did someone say we are the same people?) But consider how fortunate we are that for years we’ve heard that India only has RAW agents to send to Pakistan. Untrained raw hands? Good grief, how foolish can the Indians be. Why, nearly seven decades they’ve been at it and they cannot even get properly trained agents. No wonder despite all their efforts Pakistan continues to mark time at the crossroads where it has been stuck since the first military take over. Or have been going around in circles at this crossroads since the day of Partition?

Scant chance there is that we learn the answer to this question when the next man in uniform informs us that we are still at the crossroads.

Thank goodness the Yuhood are our distant enemy (Al-Qaeda parlance) and the Hunood only have raw hands. It is entirely because of this most propitious combination that we continue to bum at the crossroads. Never for a moment be fooled that we have survived in Blunderland (or is it Blunderistan?) by any artifice of our own.

Odysseus Lahori one year ago: The funny side of... obscenity

Labels: Herald, Humour

posted by Salman Rashid @ 00:00,

5 Comments:

At 10 February 2015 at 05:26, Amardeep Singh said...: Funny indeed
At 10 February 2015 at 13:11, Salman Rashid said...: :) Thanks, Amardeep.
At 10 February 2015 at 23:58, Unknown said...: Good one sir!
At 11 February 2015 at 09:38, Salman Rashid said...: Thank you, Ahmed.
BTW, I've lost your phone number. have no idea where you are now.
At 15 February 2015 at 01:48, Anonymous said...: There are three movies
Yahudi Ki Beti (1933), most of the songs written by Mirza Ghalib
Yahudi Ki Beli (1956), MD is Kamal Mitra; Lyricist is Kaifi Azmi
Yahudi Ki Ladki (1957), MD is Hemant Kumar; Lyricist is S. H. Bihari

One famous song from 1956 is sung
as separately by Mohd. Rafi and Lata.

Pyar beqaraar hai, pyar ki pukaar sun
rakh le aaj meri laaj, main tere nisaar sun
...
...

tujh se arzoo jawan, tujh se zindagi haseen
ye harah bhara chaman, tu nahin toh kuch nahin